Yes, that is right. I know you are thinking now why would she do that when she has a perfectly good Porsche sitting in the garage. Well, the fact of the matter is that like anything else, use or lose it. The winter has been harsh and I don’t like to drive my little baby in the snow. Not to mention that Bob left his broken down snow blower parked in front of the garage door housing my car. I probably should have gone out and turned it on a few times, however the temptation to leave all the doors closed, smell the carbon dioxide and drift off was too tempting after a long day at the tablecloth factory. Did I mention that it was a long harsh winter? And so the car sat for the last month. This is my third Porsche and I speak from experience that even though there is nothing on in the car, something drains the battery very quickly. In just a few weeks time you get a big fat nada when you turn the key, followed by a very loud “damn it” from me. It was so nice today that I just wanted to take it out for a little spin and instead I had to leave it locked away. I have a trickle charger, which I obviously didn’t use, and I have a portable battery charger which I tried to use. I emphasize try because the tricky thing about a Porsche 911 is that the battery is in the front trunk which cleverly can only be opened with the electronic switch which now won’t work because the battery is dead, but you can’t get to the battery to charge it cause you can’t open the freaking trunk, and you can’t open the trunk cause the battery is dead. Who thought up that design? Some sadistic crazy person? To add insult to this problem, if you lock your doors and the battery goes dead you can’t even get into your car at all. Talk about a mechanical design flaw! This takes nothing away from the beauty and speed of a Porsche but then again sitting dead in my garage takes does nothing for me.
I had to go on line to find out how I could get the trunk open. It is very involved and about 3 pages long, but it does have pretty photos which I find very helpful. I would find a husband who could do all of this for me, a whole lot more helpful. But if you recall Bob isn’t so good at this kind of stuff although he is great at remote control TV batteries and flashlight batteries. Due to our general lack of talent in the mechanical department I joined AAA. I also got memberships for Ali and Becca and Bob because if they break down, I know I would have gotten the first call and I would have been so inconvenienced not to mention useless. Now that call goes directly to AAA,  to someone who can actually help them and wants to. It is like a friend with a battery charger, gas tank, new tire and tow truck all rolled into one who is just sitting around waiting for you to call. And so I called. They came out within 30 minutes to my house, juiced me up and thanked me for calling them. I gave the guy a twenty and felt like I got a bargain. It doesn’t get much better than that. Thank you AAA. If you could fix the broken fence, change a few light bulbs, build a stone wall and take out the trash then you would be my perfect husband.
Just a little note, not that I am pushing AAA but it is great for the kids to have because the card goes with the person not the car. I feel better knowing that they can get help quickly if they break down even if they are in their friend’s old beat up car. Plus, they only break down in the most inconvenient areas just when you are about to have a massage. Now if they call, I just say “call triple A and don’t forget to tip the guy, he’s your daddy”.

Yup, it it that time of year again. Time for the Gordonville Auction. It will be held this Saturday March 13, 2010.

I hope it is nice weather because although I will go come rain or shine it is a whole lot better with the shine. And whole lot less mud. I think I will go over Friday night for the quilt preview with Sadie and check out all the quilts. When they string them up for sale on Saturday they are so far away that it is hard to see the handiwork and the type of fabric. I have found myself on the owner’s end of some quilts that had I seen them up close and personal, well, I would have passed. Get out your mud boots, grab a wad of cash and come with an empty stomach. They sure have some good Dutch country food at the auction. Hope to see you there.  

I don’t often gets compliments from my daughters. In fact, they never have anything nice to say about my cloths, make-up, hair or shoes, earrings or anything else to do with my physical being.  So when Ali asked me what kind of perfume I was wearing it was with caution and skepticism that I asked “why?”.  And It was with shock and wonder when she replied “cause you smell really good!” Say what?  A compliment? That was all I needed to hear. I then expounded upon how I just bought it, and I loved it too and would she like to use some, blah, blah, blah. I was like a little puppy in a pet store jumping up and down and saying “choose me, choose me, I smell so good”. I was so dang happy to have done something right in the fashion field and get a little compliment, even if it was only on my aroma.  When she asked me what it was called, I eagerly told her. “It is called Creed, its from the famed Creed perfume dynasty and has been around since the late 1700’s.”  She looked at me funny and said “you are wearing a perfume named after the worst band in rock history, eww this is just sad.”  Bummer, I don’t think she heard the part about it being around since the 1700’s , which I am sure pre-dated the rock band Creed and in fact all of rock history.  I went from aromatic princess to Pepe Le Pew in 2 seconds flat. I was so close, but wait, maybe I am about to be redeemed. Later that night, after dousing herself in my $265.00 bottle of perfume, her guy friend came over to pick her up and took one wiff and it was all over for her.  “Hey Ali, are you wearing Creed?” At last a friend with class. Ali said “yes” and owned up to the fact that it was mine and the very cool guy friend said ” Oh, I’d much rather be hanging out with your mom”.

Oh yea baby, who’s smelling good now?  Who’s your mama?

Maybe you want to smell good too! Granted I do wear the men’s fragrance Vetiver but if you read on you will see that it is equally refreshing for both men and women.

Creed is the worlds only fragrance dynasty, the business was started in 1760 and passed from generations to generations since then.
It has already served 11 royal houses and the public. In the twentieth century, Creed still remained to be the most popular brand with the celebrities and aristocrats, in the Hollywood, when many stars specially made their own personal fragrances through them. At present the company is led by sixth-generation of Creed’s.

CREED Original Vetiver

True to its name, Original Vetiver is a dramatic re-invention of a vetiver-based scent. Whereas traditional vetiver fragrances are derived from the roots of the plant, Original Vetiver achieves a new and natural, original freshness by infusing the vetiver leaves into the blend.

Classification: Woody Green / Fresh

Characteristics: Green, with a kiss of Mediterranean citrus and spice, Original Vetiver is a warm, sensual, original fragrance evoking the lingering sunshine and relaxed sophistication of summers in the South of France. A “universal” scent, Original Vetiver is equally alluring on either women or men.

• Top Notes: Ginger, Mandarine, Italian Bergamot
• Middle Notes: Vetiver from Haiti, Sandalwood from Mysore, Iris from Florence
• Base Notes: Musk, Ambergris

Jilly just bought herself a new bra. She purchased this little item at Victoria’s Secret and it cost $45.00. A few thoughts come to my  mind. #1. Where is her mother? #2. Why is my 14 year old buying expensive bras when her poor old mother, who clearly needs the best bra that money can buy, is out buying the old ratty discount bras at TJ Maxx?  I have no answer to either of these questions. Please help me. We wear the same size bra - I know, it must the hormones they give the cows because I had no boobs until I was about 20. Anyway, I tried on this cool little bra and guess what? It didn’t fit. Well, it fit but it didn’t fit well. How does that Heidi Klum do it with all those kids? I think they need to rate bras based on the consistency of your breasts, not just on the circumference of your chest and the cup size.   J = Jiggly, F = Floppy,  R = Rocks (implants) and the ideal P =Perky. I am sure there are many more categories but I haven’t really done to much research on breasts as I have enough trouble just keeping track of my own. The reason for this grading system is that when you have a cool little bra with extra padding in the bottom and a low cut top then you add old jiggly boobs what you get is something like a bowl overflowing with jello, being carried by a drunk waiter. Trust me, it is not the effect that you were going for. Everyone is looking, but not in a good way. However, put those perky “P” boobs in this same bra and va voom, everybody’s looking. They are looking in that good kind of way you were hoping for except you didn’t quite make it. So, the moral of this story is as follows. Just because the bra fits you doesn’t mean that you look good in it. Make sure that the style of the bra is consistent with the consistency of your boobs. Just remember the jello!

Faux Farm Girl

Annie

The photo is more interesting than it looks.

The interesting part is that this photo was taken on a Sunday just after the snowfall on Saturday. Normally, all laundry is off the line by Saturday night, however due to the snow I think they forgot to take these dresses off the line. So there they were. Amish dresses still on the line on a Sunday! You don’t see that everyday! Interesting isn’t it?

Yeah, only to me, right?

Faux Farm Girl,

Annie

Becca boo called me tonight to ask me if the punishment she gave the kids she sits for was too much. She took away their electronics for the rest of the night and made them write a paragraph about how they were wrong. “Gosh, what did they do and how old are they” I asked. The little girl is 9 the boy is 7.

Apparently, having spilled gravy from dinner on herself Becca went and took a quick shower. The kids knocked on the door and she said she would be right out. The next thing she knew the little boy was standing in front of the glass door shower watching Becca. The little bugger picked the lock. I told her I thought the punishment fit the crime. ”You know mom” she said  ” I am just trying to teach them a lesson that they can’t behave that way, they are old enough to know better and to respect people’s privacy”. I agreed and said ” it is hard to teach children and  they don’t always appreciate the help. I know my own children didn’t like it very much”. I couldn’t help myself, I had to say that and I think it hit the mark. She then added ” They said they wished I was never born and that I was the worst babysitter they ever had. Isn’t that mean? Why would kids talk like that, it is so hurtful. Maybe I should have them write a paragraph about mean words!”

Ha, Ha, Ha, I laughed in my head. How many times had I heard that I was the worst mother in the world and that they wished I would die. Maybe I should have had you write a few paragraphs, chapters or a book about saying mean things to your poor old mom but then again, this is so much better. It is like music to my ears.

We all know how much I love fabric. Luckily for me I found a way to make a living loving fabric.

I make it into beautiful tablecloths and rent it out so that everyone can enjoy the beauty of a great looking tablecloth.  Unfortunately,  I think it is more than a material attraction (no pun intended).  You see, sometimes when the tablecloths come back and they are covered in candle wax and schmutz I feel a little sad. Not sad that I have to wash and clean them, I am sad that someone treated the tablecloths like a rag.  I know, I should get out more often. But here is the thing, it turns out that a lot of people love fabric and sometimes it is the love that turns the fabric into a rag. You see that raggedy scrap of fabric that has been washed, bleached and rubbed within an inch of it’s raggedy little life? That “blanket” is the most beloved piece of fabric in one little girl’s life and it is a source of pure comfort and joy just to have that in her hand. Now that is really loving fabric!

The size of your tablecloth depends upon the type of table you are trying to cover.

If the table is a rental table with ugly legs you will want to cover it with a tablecloth that goes to the floor. In other words, you want to hide the legs. On the other hand, if we are talking about your dining room or kitchen table then we don’t need to go to the floor as the legs are decorative. Also, your home tables tend to have the legs on the outside corners and this will restrict the fabric from moving when your guests are seated and stretch out or cross  their legs if your cloth goes to the floor. The ugly rental tables have the legs in the center of the table and therefore the fabric can easily move.  Here is a general rule for choosing the right size tablecloth for table.

Ugly Rental Tables. (Height of 30″) Tablecloths to the floor.

Rounds:

 Take the diameter of your table, add 60 inches to that number and you have the correct tablecloth size. i.e. 48″ round plus 60″ = 108″ round tablecloth. (The 60″ represents the distance from the floor to the table top - 30 inches, and the table top to the floor on the other side - 30 inches.) Always remember that you have to go up, across and back down!

Rectangles and Squares:

 Measure the width of the table and add 60 inches and measure the length of the table and add 60 inches. This is the size you need to go to the floor. i.e. Table top size is 36″ x 72″.  Add 36 +60  by 72 + 60= tablecloth size of 96″ x 132″. I always recommend that  you have rounded corners on rectangular or square tablecloths that go to floor, otherwise the points will be too long.

Dining Room Tables: (Average height 30″)

Measure the diameter of your round table or the width and length of your rectangular, oval or square table. Determine the drop: how much you want the tablecloth to hang down from the edge of the table. The standard is 8-12 inches and it is up to your personal preference within this window. Experiment with a sheet to see what looks best with your chairs pushed in or out  and what feels comfortable when you are seated. Too much fabric in your lap is a distraction and too little fabric in the drop looks like you got the wrong size. Remember that whatever drop you choose you must add this number twice to your measurements as you have to go down on both sides of the table.  i.e. 36″ x 72″ with a 10 inch drop is 36 +20 x 72 + 20. The tablecloth will be 56″ x 92″.

TIPS:

#1. Adding a few extra inches onto the length of the tablecloth is a good idea. All fabric shrinks when it is washed and it shrinks more in the length than width. By adding the extra 3-4 inches you will be sure that you don’t have a tablecloth that is too skimpy on the ends after a few washings.

#2.Rounded corners on full length rectangular or square tablecloths keep the points from dragging on the floor.

Bob has a habit of  getting involved whenever the girls and I are having a fashion discussion.  And it never goes well for him. Today we all went out to Panera Bread and there was a shoe store next door. “OOOHH, I need sneakers” Jill said. Now, I know that this is her way of getting me into the store because if she said let’s go check out the 6 inch heel sandals I would have said no. She is the youngest of three girls, she knows how to work the system. So in we go, we get the sneakers and then of course comes the high heel sandal question. “Please can I have them, they are so pretty, please, please please”.  I take one look at the shoes and have no problem saying a resounding “NO”.  They look like hooker shoes. I tell her they look like hooker shoes and get insults hurled at me about being old fashioned, having no fashion sense and being fashion-less. I am OK with this.  I wear black pants, a black cashmere sweater and a white T shirt most days. I am not a very snazzy dresser but I have never been confused with a prostitute, perhaps a nun or someone Amish but never a hooker. We leave the store because Barbi has arrived to join us for lunch and I think I have dodged the bullet. We order our food and I look over at Jill and the tears are streaming down her face. “AHHH, what is wrong” I ask, knowing full well that I am about to get an earful of drama. “You treat me like a five year old, you don’t know what kids my age (14) wear because you never do anything with me plus, I lost my boyfriend to a girl who has shoes like that, I lost my boyfriend because I have a mother who won’t let her daughter wear anything from this century, you treat me like a baby”. This is one giant run on sentence punctuated by tears and snot running down her face.  Barbi is brought into the fray as Jill asks her “you would let me buy shoes that all the girls wear wouldn’t you? Even if you didn’t like them for yourself because you a good mother, aren’t you?”. Barbi has two boys, what does she know about teenage girls and shoes. She does have the good sense to say “I have to see them first”. Becca chimes in that after lunch we can all go to see them and make up our collective minds. Bob is surprisingly and appropriately quite. We finish up lunch and start to make our way to the shoe store when Bob asks ” Where are we going?” Barbi replies ” We are going to look at Jill’s shoes. You know, the whore’s shoes”. He stands there completely confused. You can see the little wheels spinning in his head. And instead of just saying ok, Bob gets involved in a fashion question. “I didn’t know that they sold horse shoes at Famous Footwear. When did they start selling sporting goods?”

Be quiet Bob. For god’s sake, be quite and just follow us around, say nothing and have your credit card ready. Please, for the sake of our marriage, our children’s self esteem and the respect of our friends say nothing about fashion out loud to anyone, ever again.

PS. We didn’t get the whore’s shoes, Barbi convinced her they were too fancy for jeans. I owe you one Barbi, and I’ll even throw in a badminton set!