I was driving down the road chatting on the phone with Chris and we were in the middle of a long conversation when all of a sudden I said 

 ”Chris, I gotta go, I think I saw a really cool brass headboard for sale in someone’s driveway. I have to turn around, call you later.” Click. I whip around at the nearest intersection and head back to the treasure I think I just spied. I am like a crow picking shiny pieces of tin foil out of the trash. Well, there is it was – a beautiful brass headboard. Queen size. The sign said “$20.00 Put money in Honor Box at front door”.  $20.00? Twenty dollars? I can afford that. What’s wrong with it? I get out of the car and check it out. Perfect condition! I get back into the car and pull out my purse. The car is now turned off and the windows are up because I am just going to get my $20.00 and then load up my treasure. As I open my purse I find a few ones in the side pouch, 6 to be exact, then I open my wallet, another 4 dollars. I open the other part of my wallet and find more ones, 5 more. I find no 5′s,10′s or 20′s. I usually have a 100-200 dollars with me but today, I appear to be broke. I must have more money in my purse and continue to search. Ahh, wrapped in a receipt is another 4 dollars. Good, I am up to $19.00. Unfortunately, I cleaned out my purse last night because I had about 10 pounds of coin in there and it was heavy. So as I continue to scour my purse for the last dollar I realize that the sweat dribbling down my forehead, neck and back are due to the fact that I am sitting in this stinking hot car with no air and the windows up and it is not because I can’t come up with 20 bucks. Though I am sure it played a part in the sweat factor. I roll down the windows - ahhhh- relief, air, and now I can think straight again. I must have some change in this car somewhere, center console – none, glove box- none, but there in the cup holder under my soda are 2 quarters, some dimes and a few nickles. Bingo! I got my $20.00 and the headboard is mine. There are no other people around so there was no real pressure, in fact I am the only person in the driveway and it doesn’t appear that anyone is even home. I go to the front door and deposit my $20.00 in the Honor box which is a giant locked truck with a money slot in the top. Now to retrieve my booty.  I open the back of my Yukon and am happy to see that it is completely empty. I got the money, I got the space, I got the headboard. Not so fast girlfriend! First I undo the tape securing the headboard to a post. I pick it up and carry it to the trunk. It is heavy and huge. So huge that as I attempt to put it in top first I quickly realize that it won’t fit. No problem, I will just turn it around and put it in sideways. It doesn’t fit this way either. How about at an angle? Nope. Everything fits in this car but this freaking thing is not going to fit into my car. We aren’t even talking close. My first thought is that I want this headboard and I will make it fit and my second thought is that I have put my $20.00 into the box and I can’t get it back. My last 20 bucks, I might add. OK. My brain says take it apart. I take the top finials off, still won’t fit. Next I start to unscrew all the side bolts to make it less wide. I have to use my bare fingers to get them off and some of the bolts are on really tight and my fingers slip. I use my shirt to get a better grip which reveals more of me that is allowed by law and common decency. But heah, no body is around. Finally they are off  and with a little kick and some pulling action, I get the left post off. Now I get that end into the car and the other end, though it won’t fit in the car, does get close enough that I can almost close the back door. Close is good at this point and I will just tie down the hatch with something and get going. Unfortunately, I don’t have a something to tie it down with. I do however have my $200.00 cashmere sweater that I have to take to the dry cleaners in the front seat. So just like survivor man, I grab it and say, I can use this.

 I tie one arm around the hatch loop and then I climb into the back of the car and while half standing with my ass up against the ceiling I tie the other arm of the sweater to a metal tie down clip on the floor. I am exhausted, I am hot and sweaty and yet in a weird quirky way, rather proud of myself for all that I have gone through to get this gem into my car. And then, out of nowhere I hear a voice. “Can I help you?”  says the voice. All I can think at this moment is that this was all some kind of a joke. Were the people in the house looking out the window laughing at me this whole time. Yea, there’s an idea for you. Put a really cool thing out at the end of a driveway with a for sale sign for like, say $20.00.  Now make sure it is too big to fit into any normal person’s car and see what antics people will do to get it into their car. I look at the man and say “Nope, I am good. Could have used you about 20 minutes ago when I discovered this thing was about 2 feet too large in every direction to get into my car. Or when I nearly wore my finger tips to the bone trying to take the bolts off, or maybe even before I stretched each of the arms of my sweater to 8 feet long. But right now. I am good.” He looked at me and laughed ” Wished you would have given a shout - I was just out back”  And I thought quietly to myself  “And I bet you were out there laughing your ass off and if I see myself on Youtube taking this bed apart – I’ll be back and I will kick your ass”.

 The bed is still in pieces as I want to take it up to the river house. I will use tools this time to take apart the other side. When it is all put together again I will show you how pretty it is and why I went through all this trouble. For now, these photos will have to do. I sure hope it all goes back together and that I haven’t lost the bolts, screws and other 19 pieces I will need. But I sure am a dedicated shopper aren’t I?

 

Faux Farm Girl

annie