Bob and I went out for a midweek faux farm excursion.

 Jill was away at a science camp trip and so we thought “hey-we will go out to dinner in Lancaster and stay at the farm”.We are rarely out there during the week so it was a nice treat. NOT!

I am not sure if it was the tone of his voice or the actual words  “Ann, I just talked to Len and there was a problem last night” that made me instantly wake up. Now, I sleep in a coma like trance, so for me to pop out of bed fully awake, has more to do with the way he said it than what he said. First of all, why was he talking to our neighbor Len at 7am. What did he mean by problem? And why – is he - talking- really slowly- and pronouncing every word so deliberately with a breath between each word? It sounded like this:

” Ann (breath) I just spoke to Len (breath) there was a problem ( breath) last (breath) night (long sigh).”      Ok you got my attention. “What is the problem outside?”. What could possibly be the problem outside? It was a beautiful sunny morning, we are surrounded by corn fields, and Amish farms. What could be wrong with this picture? Little did I know. You think you are safe, you think you live in Mayberry, and WHAM, reality whacks you. Wake up silly people. There is no safe place. Not even in your own driveway. YUP, out of the 8 homes in our neighborhood, 4 of us had our cars broken into and everything taken. The first two houses on the street were spared – too close to the main road and as for the other two houses; one is empty and the other is Amish.  Len has kids and 4 cars and they were all locked. So they broke the windows. I did not lock my car because I never lock my car at home. That has now changed.  On the other hand, at least I don’t have to get a new window. My stuff is still gone but I do have windows. When they opened my car they must have thought to themselves that they hit the mother load. They stole my ipod and charger, they stole my iPhone charger, they stole my RayBan sunglasses, and now for the really good part. My entire camera bag-gone. They stole my Rebel Xti camera and all my lenses the wide angle, telephoto and conversion lens. The criminals stole my laptop.  Now you might wonder why I had all this stuff in the car but I always have it with me and I had just come from work and was going back to work in the morning and it never occured to me to bring it in the house. Nor did I think to lock the car. Heck, the Amish don’t even lock their doors out here. I wasn’t at the mall or on a busy street where I would have been remiss leaving these items in the car unlocked. I was in the middle of nowhere for crying out loud. I was in the middle of corn fields and cows. I was in my driveway. I was at the FAUX FARM! But it was not enough that they got all the techno stuff. No, they went one step further, literally.  I had a pair of new shoes “Rocket Dog” shoes, still in the box. They left the box and stole my shoes. Size 6 and a half. Who gets all the great stuff and then steals shoes?  A man with a girlfriend who has tiny feet or was it committed by a women. It was the darnedest thing. Oddly enough, it is the part that bothers me the most. The other stuff they will sell but the shoes, they are wearing those shoes. My shoes! My Rocket Dog shoes. Who steals laptops and shoes? Who steals camera’s and shoes?  And where did these criminals come from? I am now a little freaked out by the whole thing and don’t feel so safe in my faux farm. These people were creeping around my house in the middle of the night, rummaging around my stuff and stealing it. They were breaking windows, even going into the neighbors open garage. Creepy stuff. And just so you know, we all have dogs. Not a one of them barked. They all slept soundly in their cozy little beds while the robbers skulked around our homes. Some watch dogs they all turned out to be.  I have ADT out there for the fire protection alarm but I am going to put the burglar alarm on from now on as Joey is considered no longer a reliable alert dog. I am also going to get the electrician to put in big motion detector lights around the whole house. If so much as a rabbit comes onto my property the place is going light up like a freaking nuclear power plant. Maybe I will get the outside security camera too. You know, the kind my sister has. How weird would that be to see it all recorded. Freaky, but then we would know exactly what bad people look like. And I would also know who was wearing my shoes.

the sad and dissillusioned faux farm girl.

Annie

By the way, Anna, my Amish neighbor, was surprised that this all happened in our little neighborhood and then said ” I wonder why they didn’t come down our driveway?” It only took a second but she caught herself and then said ” Oh I suppose it is because we don’t have a car”. Yes Anna, just one more advantage to being Amish. People don’t break into buggies to steal ipods, cameras and laptops. But then again, you never know. Things are a changing out there so buggies could be next.