Little D needed my sister to arrange a play day with his buddy, Hassan Babbaganoush. I know, it sounds like something from the Middle Eastern deli. I think I had it with pita bread one time. So as my sister finishes dialing, little D takes the cell phone from her and says “let me do the talking” and walks away holding his one free hand up in the air as if to say ” I got it”. Little D is 5. He sits down on the other side of the room and says “Hello, is this Mr. Babbaganoush? I would like to talk with Hassan. This is his friend little D from school. I would like to invite him to my house for a play date. May I please speak to Hassan? Is Hassan home from school yet?” Apparently little D doesn’t get the answer he wants so he repeats all of the above, just a little bit louder and with a little more emphasis on the ” I would like to talk to Hassan. Is Hassan home? Can Hassan come to the phone?” Again, my sister is getting the sense that this is not going so well on the other end of the phone conversation. She attempts to take the phone but little D holds it away from her and says quietly to her, “I am on the phone, don’t bother me”.  And once again, he repeats his name, the nature of his call and his request to speak to Hassan Babbaganoush. And once again, it doesn’t go very well.  Finally, he is totally frustrated and he hands the phone to my sister and tells her ” you talk to him, he doesn’t get it”. With a name like Babboganoush my sister thinks that maybe he is talking to a relative of Hassan’s, who does not speak any English at all. She is all prepared to speak in slow, loud, single syllables as she takes the phone. We always think that people who don’t speak English are somewhat deaf and so we talk really loud and very slow to them. It is a family thing that we inherited from our parents who also do it to people with crutches and broken arms as if their hearing went when they broke their bones. Anyway, she takes the phone and she says very slowly “helloooooo” and then, in perfect English, she gets this response. “Hello, apparently little D is trying to call his friend Hassan but this is a wrong number. This is the Smith household and unfortunately, there is no one here named Hassan Babbogonoush.  But little D sure sounds like he wants that play date, good luck with that”.  Click. After all that, she had dialed the wrong number.

The moral (or did I mean moron) of this story is that it doesn’t really matter what kind of phone you have or what network you are on. If you don’t know how to dial the phone correctly, your are going to get a wrong number. Every time. Remember, there are only 10 numbers to choose from and you have to pick seven. It is not the lottery so don’t guess at the number and hope you will get lucky! The odds are against you winning both Lotto and having Hassan answer the phone if you don’t pick the right numbers. Who’s name is going on the moron board now!

Faux Farm Girl,

Annie