Just because they are looking…
One upon a time, long, long ago, in a far away land, I was young and fairly attractive. At least that is how it looked to me when I gazed into my special mirror at home.
You know that mirror, the special one in the bathroom that tells you that you are beautiful and young. Not like those horrible mirrors in the department stores or the CVS that show you to be far older and, well, not nearly as pretty as your home mirror shows you to be. That is why you never try on makeup or cloths at the store, especially those three way mirrors. Three- ways are never good anyway and mirrors are no exception. Always bring your stuff home to your magic mirror and you will look as lovely as you envisioned when you purchased the items. You will never buy a thing if you try it on in the store. I think it is the comfort of home that lets your mind wonder into this small but harmless delusional state. I can’t fathom any other reasonable explanation. When I look in my special mirror, I am always about 10 years younger, 10 pounds thinner and this one is a truly magical feat, I also appear, if only to myself, to be about 4 inches taller. As I have gotten older my dependence on the mirror and it’s hallucinogenic effect have grown. Time does that to you. So you can imagine my shock and utter amazement when I happen to see myself reflected in a large store window. Dear God! Who is that short, fat, old woman, in my cloths! I have now trained myself to quickly glance away in order to maintain my self-esteem and foster my delusion. I just repeat my mantra – don’t look, don’t look. And that reflected vision slowly but surely goes away. Thank god.
There are instances however when a quick peek might just work to your advantage. Case in point.
One day I left the house looking just fine. I had a meeting downtown and had to park in one of those underground parking garages. I took all my stuff out of the back seat and put it in the trunk, slamming it shut with my right hand. A small stroll to the elevator. Some little piece of dust gets in my eye and I brush it away and casually rub my face. I move on and a man looks at me. I was flattered. In the elevator, more people , more looks. This translates to I am hot! In the main lobby, while waiting for the next elevator, more people, more gazes. My shoulders are squared back just a little more, bust up and out just a little more, I am smoking. You know, some day, you just look better than others and today – I was on my game. Giant plate glass reflective window – don’t look! Remember the rule. Up the elevator, into the office and I am literally a conversation stopper. Didn’t you always want to just waltz into a room and have everyone stare? How cool is that? And then all comes crashing in. My associate looks at me and says ” what is all that dirt on the side of your face?” “Dirt? Face? What?” I run to the bathroom mirror and there it is. All the grime and dirt from my car trunk – smeared on my face. I wasn’t hot – I was dirty. What was I thinking? Where was my mirror? Why didn’t I see that when I was in the lobby or elevator with all those windows and mirrors.? Why you ask? Because you are a delusional fool, came the reply from inside my head.
And now when people look at me, I am always wondering about the dirt, or if my shirt is unbuttoned or perhaps there is toilet paper on my shoe.
So go ahead and be optimistic but remember, although you always look great in the magic mirror- it doesn’t have quite the same effect on anyone else. And once you leave the mirror -it’s a crap shoot and anything can happen so keep your delusions to yourself. And keep one eye on any available reflective surface.
Faux Farm Girl
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