If you are feeling politically correct today just go get yourself some coffee and skip this post. However, I should warn you that once you get the hang of it, it will be so popular that it will become a regularly scheduled feature.  So what is the moron board you ask?

Well it all started when a friend had this huge dry erase board in her kitchen. The thing was 4′x 6′, it was huge. I thought is was for a project or something but no she explained ” I use this board to help the kids with their spelling and shapes”.  ”A bit of overkill don’t you think? I mean they are only in third and first grade.”  ”Well” she said “ When you have spelled the work “quiet” 15 times on a little paper it takes on a whole new meaning when the letters are 3 feet tall, it helps them understand when it is really, really large”. Yeah, I guess it would, if they were moron’s. I should have said this quietly in my head but instead it came out of my mouth. Lucky for me she laughed.  But the concept of the moron board stuck in my head.  Then as people did stupid things, I kept thinking that their names should go on the moron board. Mostly Bob had his name on the board for doing goofy things. Slowly other people did goofy things to get their name on the board thereby saving Bob from having his name written in permanent marker on the dry erase board.  So instead of calling someone a moron you just tell them, politely, that their name is going on the moron board. The name goes at the top of the list until someone else does something more moronic than they did thereby bumping them down the list until it reaches number 10 and is off completely. I loved the idea. I made a board and put it up in my office and before the first morning was over my name was in slot 1, 2 and 3.  How did that happen?

#1.I asked my bookkeeper to call Marshal’s to see if I left my credit card there. No luck. So I asked her to cancel the card. She said “you were wearing that black jacket, maybe it is in the pocket.” No I told her, I never do that. So she checked and there it was.  What a moron.

#2. Bob got me an iphone. He should get his name on the board just for thinking that I could use that kind of technology. He also got the leather flip up case to protect it. The phone rings and I flip up the leather flap and and press answer call and start talking. I can hear nothing. The phone doesn’t work. I look at my friend and say ” this is a stupid phone, I can’t even hear anyone”. She looks at me like I am a moron and says very sweetly  “you are listening into the leather flap -it is not a flip phone, the phone is one piece and it is in the case and you need to put the actual phone to your ear”. (you moron) No, she didn’t say that part, but she thought it and so my name was now in the #2 slot of the moron board.

#3. After my big Amish party on Saturday I washed all the table cloths and napkins and brought them into the office still wet straight out of the washer so my guys could run them through the big flat work ironer. I told them they were my personal linens so that they would bring them back to my office and not into the warehouse. 10 minutes later (that machine is fabulous fast) one the guys bring in the napkins and tablecloths all ironed and folded . And he also brings a little plastic bag. “What’s in there” I ask totally innocently. He looks at me, rather sheepishly and says ” just some stuff that was mixed in the wash with the napkins”. And then he hightails it out of there. Hmmm, that was rather odd behavior. So I go over and open the bag, still confused as to what it could be and then I see it. There is actually more than one, in fact there are three. What a freakin moron I am.   I totally forgot that I threw a few things in the wash along with the napkins.  Things like my thongs!!!!!! AAAAAAHHHHHHHH. What a moron! I can just see them now, opening the bag and taking the napkins and putting them through the mangle one by one and then – whoa what have we here – the bosses underwear.  I was mortified. I am such a moron. Now my name is in slot 1, 2, and 3. And all totally deserved.  So that is how the moron board works.  I am waiting for people around me to do something stupid so I can get off the freaking board or at least move down the list but they are trying really hard to be good so my name stays there.  Hey – maybe I am onto something!!

Faux Farm Girl,

annie